africa: we are not breaking up, we are just on a break

Dear Africa,

So here is the thing  you are really special to me.  But after a year and eight months I think it’s time we take a break.

You see I have started to become reliant on my weekly mefloquine fix.  Without it my dreams become sub par and my extremities regain feeling.

I have begun to accept public urination as a perfectly acceptable behavior.  In fact, I have even been known to cop a squat behind a kinkiliba bush.  This is bad.  Very very bad.

Also, we are having some communication problems… the words “nice, fine” are not an acceptable response to the question “how are you?”  Also, “whacha name? Nice, fine.” Is not English.  I don’t know why you seem to think it is, but I assure you–despite the fact that my language skills have regressed to the vocabulary of a potty-mouthed 6-year old–that is NOT English.

You also make me crave strange things.  Like potato sandwiches.  I have even started to believe that the carb on carb combination is by far the most superior of all sandwich combinations.  And I am getting fat because of this.  Probably as part of your elaborate scheme to lower my self esteem and keep me dependent on you.

My Ipod playlist has slowly been taken over by Akon.  And I think I like it.  In fact, I am starting to believe anything he touches is golden and that he is a musical genius.  And I am jealous of his giant hamster ball.  I really need one of my own.

As you can see Africa, things have been going downhill for a while now.  But I want to be clear, I don’t want to break up.  We just need a break (you understand the difference right?).  I just need a little space.  Ok?  Thanks.

Disclaimer: The contents of this blog are mine alone and do not represent the positions or views of the U.S. Government or the U.S. Peace Corps.