learning to say “no”

I hate saying “no”. And I am not the only one… as Americans we are hypersensitive about asking favors—even from close friends or family (or maybe especially from them). Usually we extend  a favor before we have to put someone in a position to ask us. When I actually gather up the courage to request a favor (big or small) it is because I absolutely NEED something. Otherwise I wouldn’t ask. The opposite end of this is that when someone I care about asks me for something I rarely say “no”. I figure they would only ask if they really wanted or needed something.

Here in Senegal the attitude is completely opposite. The Senegalese operate with the motto “hey, it can’t hurt to ask!” And ask they do… From the kids on the street screaming “Toubab give me a gift” to my next door neighbor demanding I give him a Visa to America (What? Does he think I have a stack of them sitting in my bag?), I am constantly bombarded by requests that I have to deny.

While constantly saying “no” can be hard, my Senegalese host family has offered a safe haven from the constant demands and begging. That is until this week…

My family has been good about not asking me for things or favors (after all, I am not the first volunteer to live with them, they have hosted a long string of volunteers before me). But, over the past couple of days the requests for things have been endless—especially from my Neene (mother)…

“Give me your American seeds, Jennaba (the volunteer before me) used to give me seeds from America.”

“Give me your hut, your older brother Sannu is coming to visit for Tabaski and needs a nice place to sleep.”

“Your Baba is sick, I know you have medicine, why wont you give him medicine?”

“I just bought this fridge and there is nowhere for me to put it, let me keep it in your hut, your hut has plenty of room.”

“Let me borrow your bike to go to the market, I need to buy food for dinner.”<

The requests have been endless, and the thing is… I WANT to give them all these things. I really care about them and want to say “yes”. But I realize that their requests are not coming from the same place that requests from my friends and family back home come from. They are not asking because they really need these things, they are testing my limits. They want to know what they can get from me, and what they can expect from me over the next two years…

This is one part of Senegalese culture that adapting to has been a struggle. I know that unlike my friends and family back home, they don’t realize that what they are doing is making me uncomfortable. But even still, I resent them for putting me in the position of having to say “no”. It breaks my heart every time…

Disclaimer: The contents of this blog are mine alone and do not represent the positions or views of the U.S. Government or the U.S. Peace Corps.